If you are having a serious marital problem, then you probably heard people say you have a spiritual husband. Behind your back, in your face or behind the pulpit. You need deliverance, they said.
What is a spiritual husband? A spiritual husband is an evil spirit that possesses a woman with the aim of raping her and disrupting her marriage.
I once met a woman who was in great distress. She had been in numerous relationships. But in all cases, the guy would dump her after promising to marry her. Hopeless, she sought help from a prophet.
Society taught her a 35 year old woman should be married with kids. As a result, she believed she had a spiritual husband. The evil spirit was jealous and didn’t want her to get married. Hence, the misfortune. She was told.
But your story might be different. You actually wish you were never married. It seems the spiritual husband doesn’t want you to enjoy your marriage. And it’s unbearable.
You lost a dozen children before you could hold them in your weary hands. Then finally you did, but it was a stillborn. Wounded and confused, you spiral into depression. Your only wish is for someone to deliver you from this spiritual husband.
You strongly believe the spiritual husband is coming between your marriage. At night you dream having sex with a stranger. The guilt is crippling. Above all, you’re always fighting with your husband for no solid reason. And you’re now tired of life.
Is there any hope, in Christ, for a woman who believes she is troubled by a spiritual husband?
A Brief History of Spiritual Husbands and Wives
You probably think beliefs on a spiritual husband or wife are exclusive to Sub-Saharan Africans. That’s not true. Stories of spiritual spouses are common across different cultures from America, Europe to Asia.
1. Shamanism – a spiritual husband makes you a god
However, in other parts of the world a spiritual spouse is a sign of a divine call. They believe the spiritual spouse is a god or goddess. Importantly, sleeping with a deity ensured you’re always protected. And this is the basis of shamanism.
2. Spirit medium – a spiritual husband makes you a priest
When I was around 10, a woman visited my mother. People said she had a spirit medium – mudzimu. She had a cunning ability to speak with the dead. But the magic came with a cost – at old age she had never been married. The spirit that possessed her claimed her as a wife.
3. Vengeance spirit – a spiritual husband makes you a ransom
But in most cases, a spiritual husband is believed to be due to a vengeance spirit – ngozi. When a family member kill a person, the family offer a girl child to appease the spirit of the dead. And it is believed that spirit may continue haunting even the great great grandchildren of the murderer.
4. Witchcraft – a spiritual husband makes you a reward
However, in some instances it is believed that a spiritual husband is caused by witchcraft. A witch in the family pledges you as a wife to her goblins. The goblins would rape you at night and sometimes leave you in a state of confusion. Sadly, women with autism, down syndrome or schizophrenia are thought to be victims of a spiritual husband.
What does the Bible say about spiritual husbands and wives?
The Bible has a lot to say regarding marital problems. Sarah, Rachel, Hannah, and Elizabeth were barren. Hosea’s wife was a prostitute. And Rebekah caused conflict between her two sons. Yet, there’s no mention of a spiritual husband causing those problems.
As a result, Conrad Mbewe, a respected theologian in Africa, argued that belief in spiritual husbands and wives is nonsense because:
- It’s not in the Bible
- It’s based on an unbiblical view of dreams
- It encourages sexual immorality by blaming sin on the evil spirit
- It’s a result of ignoring the value of a Christ-centered marriage counseling
But just because the Bible has no explicit account of a woman troubled by a spiritual husband, does that mean it’s unbiblical?
In the Book of Genesis, we’re told of the ‘sons of God’ who had sexual encounters with women (Genesis 6:4). As a result, it made some people to wrongly claim that the Bible implicitly talks about spiritual husbands. And they named these spiritual spouses Incubus and Succubus.
A more Biblical approach to spiritual husbands is acknowledging our ignorance. Christ met several people who were troubled by evil spirits. But for most of them, we don’t know how the demons really manifested. Maybe for some it was through a spiritual husband, but that’s mere speculation.
Is a spiritual husband really ruining your marriage?
If you’re a child of God, then the simple answer is no. When you received the life of Christ you became a new creation. As a member of the body of Christ, you’re the spiritual bride of Christ. For that reason, you can’t be possessed or oppressed by any evil spirit.
It’s impossible for a child of God to be troubled by a spiritual husband.
So then, why do you have dreams being raped by a stranger, if you don’t have a spiritual husband? What about the miscarriages or the barrenness? And the constant conflict in your marriage?
Demystifying nocturnal arousals
When you dream having sex with a stranger it could be due to lust or nocturnal arousal. Nocturnal arousal is an important biological phenomenon that preserves the vitality of the male and probably female organs. However, lustful thoughts could also lead to these crazy dreams.
Demystifying sleep paralysis
Furthermore, sleep paralysis can occur when you have anxiety, insomnia or narcolepsy. What is sleep paralysis? This occurs when you feel like there’s someone restraining your movements while you’re asleep – madzikirira.
Demystifying sex in dreams
Sleep paralysis may make a convincing case for spiritual husbands when it partners with nocturnal arousal. Because sleep paralysis is often marked by hallucinations. Hence, as a believer you need to guard your heart against sexual impurity. And you also need to seek after God’s peace (Isaiah 26:3).
Demystifying marriage conflict
Marriage is hard-work. Your husband is a sinner in love. And you too. No spiritual husband can cause conflict in your marriage. But your sinful tendencies can do that. So instead of blaming a spiritual husband you need to start working on building a Christ-centered marriage. Pray. Repent. Read. Love. Pray.
Miscarriages can be caused by several things such as abnormalities in the uterus, diabetes, stress, and hormonal imbalances. If you lost your child you need to seek help. You need to talk to a fellow believer who can share in your grief. It’s not your fault that you lost a child. And it doesn’t mean you have a spiritual husband.
God gives his gifts as he wills. Children are a gift from God. And he will give you how he wills and when he wills. I know of a couple of people who went for many years without a child and later did. And I know of a lovely woman who died in her late thirties without a child. You need to believe more in Christ and not in spiritual husbands.
Here’s a fact. If you’re a born of God, then your marriage problems aren’t caused by a spiritual husband. You need to take ownership of your marriage and allow Christ to be at the center.